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Sunday Rants by Val #1-6

#Sunday Rants…

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Special Announcement

If she is fair, slim and beautiful without makeup don’t date her, I repeat don’t date her

She is my future wife

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I remembered wen i was a kid my dad bought a new car, next Sunday in Church he was asked to sow a seed with the car key, surprisingly my dad did. But he later went home with bike, brought the spare key and drove us home. 

After all they wanted the car key

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Dating an upcoming artiste like *Laxy* is very confusing and nt easy for girls

The wl b like …if i broke up with him nw he fit blow o

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If you find a woman who makes you laugh keep her, bcos women are not that funny

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So this guy has refused to go home simply because he posted on Facebook;

“A father that is not like Dangote, is that one a father” and his father liked it

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My Sister Big Bumbum with ugly face is like Public Holiday on a Saturday

It’s a Waste

Wisdom will not kill me

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some girls with black lipstick be looking like puppy 

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My pastor told me to hold my girlfriend very tight that is going to be a millionaire in future.

But i hv been crying since yesterday bcos i dnt knw if its Cynthia, Chioma, or Ogechi?

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I wanted to send an sms to my girlfriend and it mistakenly went to my landlady. My landlady responded immediately “i hv been holding my self for quite too long. I love you too,pls stop paying rent”

Is God not wonderful?

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This is Nigeria where professors remove their eyeglass just to hear wat you are saying.

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People that save their partner’s contact with ‘my destiny’ wat if he/she dies?

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Wen you wen to a job interview and your ex is the manager, thats when you will understand the reason why your Maths Teacher always tell you to find the value of x

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*Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipe ur buttocks today might wipe your face tomorrow* Word

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#HopeunagoChurch

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#Val

#Sunday Rants( Check out our products at Mc Classic stores, we have wrist watches, Eye glasses, shoes etc 09039783253)

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Are you a girl?

Are you tall, fair, nice shape?

Are you dark with pointed nose?

Are you beautiful?

And you are intelligent?

Do your parents love you so much??

Your father will still exchange you for Goat, yams, drinks…

Big Sis, Be humble

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My M.C.S ( Man Crush Sunday) goes to all the girls with hairs on their chest.

You are like a brother to me

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If you like invite Rihanna on your wedding day, if Nigerians ddnt get rice the wedding is not interesting

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Real men don’t play Temple runs, it’s either they visit Army barracks shout useless soldiers and start running or they go to the zoo open the door for the lion and start running.

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Your are owing your landlord 2yrs rent, he uploaded pictures of himself and his family, you wanted to comment ‘cute’ people but auto correct change it to ‘cult’ people. Then your phone died

Shey your mum told you that Fb will kill you one day??

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Guys If a girl ask: “How are you?”

Just reply “I’m fine.” But if

you have money, you can

add: “And you?”

if u know u know.

Good roomies are the ones that will help you charge your phone when you are asleep. (Eto&Grat)

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Please God, next session give me roommates that don’t play *Mili Militia*

If you knw, you knw

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I drank bottle water I bought #4500 and now i am feeling pressed. I dnt want to waste that water o…or should i go and pee? What do you think

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#Happy Sunday

#HopeunagoChurch?

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#Val

#Sunday Rants…

Don’t know why many people find it difficult to pronounce the word “Amen” they are always like “Amem”. maybe thats   why their Prayers are not answered.

Stealing meat from okro soup can be very

Stressful,you steal one meat and okro will draw a perpendicular line from the kitchen to the

bedroom…mtcheeww☹

So the only thing satan can do to the naked Eve is to convince her to eat the forbidden fruit ?…..that nigga must be a gentleman or gay!

The kind mosquitoes wey dey my room, are no longer piercing and sucking, them be bitting and chewing

Ladies, not all men wearing ring are engaged, some use it to open beer

I bought a yoghurt for the girl sitting beside me in a bus, we exchanged numbers, from the corner of my eyes i saw her save my number with ” Yoghurt man”.

I collected my yoghurt back, Nonsense!

Short guys with dreadlocks be looking like 🍍

Thin girls with scattered hair be looking like mop

I don’t know why i like carrying little kids, especially those holding lacasera and gala.

They always look lovely

#Hope una go Church

Val

#Sunday Rants…

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That awkward moment when you helped your crush do her assignment and she scored zero, forget it bro you have been crushed already

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So if i get married now people will know that i hv started having s*x including my mom.

Oh i am very shy

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Its only Nigerians that talk to cockroach before killing it.

“Where are you going?”

Piiiiaaaam! 

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Omalicha i want to take you out for a dinner and you are telling me you have a boyfriend, is your boyfriend hungry?

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You will be singing with earpiece thinking your  voice sounds nice, but when you remove earpiece you discover you actually sound like frog. 

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One Advantage of dating a fat girl is that you can hide behind her when you see someone you are owing.

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Guys if you are sitting next to a beautiful girl

in a bus and she starts smiling at you, don’t smile back, I repeat don’t smile back until she pays her t fare 

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Someone can not dial a wrong number again and Wizkid or Davido will pick,it must be an Hausa man

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Am I the only person that sing gospel music when walking in dark road at night? 

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if you don’t know how to laugh better go and learn which one is “kikikikikiki” are you starting a generator? 

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Never allow your babe to pray silently the idiot might be asking God for a new bf.

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Why does it take some ppl like 1 hr to cook, 10 mins to eat. Den 4 days to wash plates

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Yahoo boys will not even

let someone know when

real oyibo sends friend

request.

nonsense people

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A friend told me an onion is the only foodstuff that can make someone cry, I laughed and threw a coconut at his face. He’s still crying like a baby and I’m shocked! 

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If you were born in September or October its a clear evidence that your parents began their new year with a bang.

Ifyouknowyouknow

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*All fingers are not equal; yes, but must you be the shorter finger?*

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#HopeunagoChurch?

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#Val

#Sunday Rants…

You will sit close and wait on your rice but the water will never seem to Dry. But Just remove Eye press phone small,

Boom !!! Burnt Offering

Who told Nigerians dah if

u sweep small, u hit the

head of d broom two

times b4 continuing d

sweeping?

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Each time I see buhari

speak on the television

 My PVC will start

vibrating

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Do you know why women pregnancy last for 9 months?

It’s because the word “Pregnancy” is made up of 9 letters. I know you’ll start counting it now.

Wisdom

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U will not go and give your life to Jesus Christ now, not when u see me in heaven u will be shouting ojoro ojoro!

Yes You!

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Guys Let’s cook Sunday

Rice with Chicken.

I will bring Cover of Pot.

Another person should bring Chicken.

What will you bring?

Please let’s be serious

ooooo 

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Abeg oh anyone saw the eclipse at all? Because me no see anything.

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The kind cockroaches wey dey my room eh, dey don’t stay for cupboards again nothing to chop there. Now they don come out hustle.

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This is UNEC, where Jacking and enjoyment is a crime.

You will see somebody coming out from reading room and hailed him ‘jacko’ and he will deny immediately ‘i didn’t read anything o’

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Somebody will be eating indomie and egg, you will tell the person ‘ guy you dey enjoy o,’

And he will be like “which enjoy”?

No no be enjoyment, na suffering, gimme fork leme suffer with you

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Happy Mbah’s week to Archi students, for those that will be writing it shaa.

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#HopeunagoChurch?

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#Val

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