Sunday Rants by Val #41

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#Sunday Rants

Happy Birthday? Valcee from Team Nzdworld.

1. Special Announcement

If she is fair, slim and beautiful without makeup don’t date her, I repeat don’t date her

She is my future wife?

2. Dating an upcoming artiste like *Laxy* is very confusing and not easy for girls

The will b like …if i broke up with him now he fit blow o

3. If you find a woman who makes you laugh keep her, bcos women are not that funny?

4. So this guy has refused to go home simply because he posted on Facebook;

“A father that is not like Dangote, is that one a father” and his

father liked it?

5. Some girls with black lipstick be looking like puppy ?

6. My pastor told me to hold my girlfriend very tight that is going to be a millionaire in future.

But i hv been crying since yesterday bcos i dnt knw if its Cynthia, Chioma, or Ogechi???

7. I wanted to send an sms to my girlfriend and it mistakenly went to my landlady. My landlady responded immediately “i hv been holding my self for quite too long. I love you too,pls stop paying rent”

Is God not wonderful???

8. When you went to a job interview and your ex is the manager, thats when you will understand the reason why your Maths Teacher always tell you to find the value of x?

9. That awkward moment when you helped your crush do her assignment and she scored zero, forget it bro you have been crushed already?

10. So if i get married now people will know that i hv started having s*x including my mom.

Oh i am very shy?

11. Its only Nigerians that talk to cockroach before killing it.

“Where are you going?”

Piiiiaaaam!

12. One Advantage of dating a fat girl is that you can hide behind her when you see someone you are owing.??

13. Guys if you are sitting next to a beautiful girl

in a bus and she starts smiling at you, don’t smile back, I repeat don’t smile back until she pays her t fare ??

14. Someone can not dial a wrong number again and Wizkid or Davido will pick,it must be an Hausa man??

15. Am I the only person that sing gospel music when walking in dark road at night? ??

16. If you don’t know how to laugh better go and learn which one is “kikikikikiki” are you starting a generator? ?

17. Yahoo boys will not even let someone know when real oyibo sends friend request.

nonsense people??

18. A friend told me an onion is the only foodstuff that can make someone cry, I laughed and threw a coconut at his face. He’s still crying like a baby and I’m shocked! ?

19. So the only thing satan can do to the naked Eve is to convince her to eat the forbidden fruit ??…..that nigga must be a gentleman or gay!

20. Ladies, not all men wearing ring are engaged, some use it to open beer?

21. I bought a yoghurt for the girl sitting beside me in a bus, we exchanged numbers, from the corner of my eyes i saw her save my number with ” Yoghurt man”.

I collected my yoghurt back, Nonsense!?

22. I don’t know why i like carrying little kids, especially those holding lacasera and gala.

They always look lovely?

23. You will sit close and wait on your rice but the water will never seem to Dry. But Just remove Eye press phone small,

Boom !!! Burnt Offering?

24. U will not go and give your life to Jesus Christ now, not when u see me in heaven u will be shouting ojoro ojoro!

Yes You!

25. Guys Let’s cook Sunday

Rice with Chicken.

I will bring Cover of Pot.

Another person should bring Chicken.

What will you bring?

Please let’s be serious

ooooo ?

26. This is UNEC, where Jacking and enjoyment is a crime.

You will see somebody coming out from reading room and hailed him ‘jacko’ and he will deny immediately ‘i didn’t read anything o’.

27. If you like invite Rihanna on your wedding day, if Nigerians ddnt get rice the wedding is not interesting?

28. Real men don’t play Temple runs, it’s either they visit Army barracks shout useless soldiers and start running or they go to the zoo open the door for the lion and start running.

29. Your are owing your landlord 2yrs rent, he uploaded pictures of himself and his family, you wanted to comment ‘cute’ people but auto correct change it to ‘cult’ people. Then your phone died

Shey your mum told you that Fb will kill you one day??

30. Good roomies are the ones that will help you charge your phone when you are asleep. (Eto&Grat)??

31. Please God, next session give me roommates that don’t play *Mili Militia*

If you know, you know

32. Pls o, is it a crime to eat full corn in Nigeria??

Someone must come from nowhere and break it into two☹

33. You are an upcoming artiste and your first music is 10mb, bro is like you never wan blow??

34. Its when your subscription finish that you remember you have games in your phone and that’s when you discover your talent in playing Candy crush. Some people will turn to engineers, they will go to the settings of their phone and scatter everything??.

35. I used to like my roommate until he put password on his WiFi☹

36. After all the gyming one slim girl will push you with one finger and you fall on the bed. Just one finger. Bro who are you deceiving?

37. Dating a Church girl is very nice and cool, until you tell her “baby open nah” and she replies ” what verse?”??

There is no limit to what you can achieve.

#HopeunagoChurch

#Val