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Chronicles of Valcee

#Chronicles Of Valcee  2 hrs with Valcee
Date:    Friday, 15/2/19
Time:         9:47
Prudent: Good morning Valcee
Valcee: Good morning black beauty, a nice hair do.

Prudent: (Smiles)Thanks, my name is Prudent, I am a  200 lv student of the faculty of law in Unec.
Valcee: Wow, a lawyer in the making,that’s very nice. hope i am safe?(smiles)
Prudent: (laughs) Sure, you are. I am working on a documentary and i have a few questions for you.
Valcee: ok go ahead.
Prudent: what was the motivation behind the Sunday Rants?
Valcee: (Surprised) you know about the Sunday rants?
Prudent: Yes i do.
Valcee: Ok it all started when i stumbled upon a bunch of jokes , I edited it, added mine, posted it and ppl loved it. So I decided to continue. I do forge some, while others are gotten from real life events happening around us.
Prudent: Your jokes are always new and unique, What’s the secret?
Valcee: Well, it’s God
Prudent: why the title Sunday Rants?
Valcee: (touches his beards) well, i just thought that if  pCanle don’t like it or find it funny or try to insult me about it, I could just tell them not to take it seriously because am just ranting. Hence the title ‘ Sunday rants’. 
Prudent: (Laugh’s) you are so funny. So, what’s your life like as a comedian? i mean wen u r serious, some people will take you as a joker,doesn’t dat affect your life?
Valcee: point of correction, i am not a comedian. Just like making people laff
Prudent: Ok…?
Valcee: to your question actually it does sometimes, wen i am serious people tend to believe i am joking but those that know me too well knew dat I dnt joke with serious issue. I  dnt do expensive jokes. like wen  Asuu was on strike, you see some people posting news that makes you think the strike has bn called off only for you to discover it was only a joke. I dnt do that. I dnt joke with love too(smiles)  so if you are out there nd i hv told you i like you.. Bliv me i do.
Prudent: (chuckles) Based on what i know, you are a surveying student and thats a very tedious course with its practicals and field works. Doesn’t it affect ur studies?
Valcee: No, not at all. All work and no play they say makes jack a dull boy.
Prudent: Are you a registered voter?
Valcee: sure.
Prudent: Are you going to vote on sat? Who will you vote for?
Valcee:  of course I will vote.
Prudent:  who will you vote for and Who do you think will win the election, Buhari or Atiku?
Valcee: Buhari
Prudent: What! did you say Buhari?…are you supporting him?
Valcee: I didn’t say i am supporting him or that i am not, i just told you who i think will win. 
Buhari is very prepared. He will manipulate his way in.
Prudent: Whats your Best quality in a girl…? I mean something you admire most in girls?
Valcee: A beautiful face.
Prudent: Really? No  boobs or ass like most guys?
Valcee: nope, its a beautiful face, i even like flat belly more than those.
Prudent: wonderful, first time i am hearing this from a guy.
Valcee: you haven’t met half of us(smiles)
Prudent: you really mean you don’t love boobs and butts?
Valcee: I didn’t say that, did I?(winks)
Prudent: Your relationship status?
Val: (taken aback) huh?
Prudent: Are you single?… Are you in any serious relationship?
Valcee: (looks at his wristwatch)10:36am. its almost an hour since we started, Can we go for break pls?
Prudent: Ok, we shall cont later
After 30 mins:
Prudent: Welcome back
Valcee: Thanks
Prudent: So I believe you know where we stopped
Valcee: Well yes, but actually i Can’t answer that now. For security reasons
Prudent: (exhales deeply) so you dodged the question?
Valcee: Yes.
Prudent: That’s the last, u are not going to dodge any other question. Deal?
Valcee: deal!
Prudent: Who is your crush? That girl you admire maybe in school, Church or in your street?
Valcee: haaa! This One is really difficult.
Prudent: Here you come again, remember no ,more dodging questions?
Valcee: (scratches his head) come closer let me whisper it(whispers)
Prudent: wow! She must be very beautiful, I don’t think I know her. is she in Unec?
Valcee: yes
Prudent: Ok. Some people say you are a jack of all trade, that u are a surveying student, do comedy, you write and you rap too. What do you have to say?
Valcee: Well, like i said earlier i am not a comedian just like making people laugh, I love writing and I love rapping.
Prudent: There is this story trending now about yahoo boys using ladies pant for ritual, whats your say on that?
Valcee: Well this might sound weird, but i Don’t believe in such stories, there might be a possibility of using girls pants for rituals but i didn’t see the connection between it and yahoo yahoo.
Prudent: Ok, so who is your favorite Nigerian artiste?
Valcee: Vector
Prudent: Your genre of music?
Valcee: I don’t have, i listen to every music good to my  ears starting from highlife, rap,hip hop, pop, gospel, ogene(laughs) name them
Prudent: choose one
Valcee: Rap!
Prudent: Any Nigerian celebrity crush?
Valcee: Yes, Eva Alordiah. She is very good in rap.
Prudent: Nicky or Cardi B
Valcee: Nicky
Prudent: Nicky or Rihanna?
Valcee: (smiles)Rihanna
Prudent: Your best series ever?
Valcee: 24
Prudent: Hmm…I was expecting GOT. who do you think cheat more, Guys or ladies?
Valcee: (removes glasses) the question you should be asking is, what is cheating?
Prudent: Ok answer that.
Valcee: Honestly i don’t even know. When u see your partner with another guy talking  and laughing  most times you Don’t feel bad but when u see them in bed together pants down you feel bad and heartbroken. Then you say he cheated on you. Is sex love? 
Prudent: Are you telling me you won’t feel bad when your woman cheated on you?
Valcee: It depends on what we are doing in the relationship, it depends on ‘ our terms and conditions ‘ if I have the intention of marrying her and she cheated i will feel bad. The big question now is how will the girl know that i have the intention of marrying her or not. So she could be loyal to me?. Of course she can’t ask me that. It would make her look too cheap and desperate. Prudent, lets talk about this some other time.
Prudent: When do you think is better to propose to your future wife, On your birthday or hers?
Valcee: (rubs his hands) Another controversial question to me. I dnt think i will propose to any lady in public
Prudent: Why? dnt tell me you are scared
Valcee: On the contrary. Did you know that most girls accept marriage proposals just because they didn’t want to embarrass or disgrace their man in public. That’s why you see some Calling off weddings few days to D day. It’s arguable but It’s fact!
Prudent: Do you support women equality?
Valcee: See, I am not a feminist though I respect women a lot. But i don’t support women equality. God didn’t create us equal. Some are saying “what a man can do,…”
Have you seen a lady using her pants and bra as rag? But guys do use their singlets and boxers as rag(laughs)
Prudent: (laughs out loud) now this is funny.
Prudent: What is ur greatest fear in life?
Valcee: Ageing
Prudent: Ageing?
Valcee: Yes I am scared of old age. I don’t wanna grow old, I want to be forever young.
Prudent: Love or loyalty?
Valcee: Love
Prudent: Most People I asked said loyalty, why love?
Valcee: Prudent if you love me, You won’t stab me in the back. I am not talking about pretending to love, I mean real love.
Prudent: Beauty or character?
Valcee: Beauty
Prudent: Val! Here you are again, Why beauty?
Valcee: one thing you should know is that nobody is perfect. A bad person today can turn a new leaf tomorrow.
But if you are ugly, you are ugly. U can’t change that.
Prudent: Hmmm, your opinion though.
Most Nigerians are not happy with our government, i am sure you are not happy with the way things are in this country. Assuming you are the president of Nigeria What will you do to revive our dead economy?
Valcee: Its very simple, i will stop assuming(laughs)
Prudent:(laughs) be serious please.
Valcee:(caresses his beards) actually this is a very though question, I don’t know how things are been done over there. Well…eerm..i will firstly reduce the senator’s allowances, scrap off some irrelevant offices, invest in agriculture, make our education system More practical, I will promote, give name/invest to our locally made products.
Prudent: wow, Mr president (smiles)
Valcee: (laughs) the assuming president you mean?
Prudent: (laugh)Yes. It’s time for me to go. Do you have anything to say to your fans?
Valcee: Well guys, Zoba isi onwe gi, in this life you are on your own. Hustle hard but don’t stab your brother in the back.
Anticipate my upcoming story titled “7 DAYS” from #Chronicles of Valcee.
One love.
                        11:46 am
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